fifty-three

Sixteen wants love
Sixteen has been absorbing stories
about love
about being complete
about looking cute & sexy
about making music
Sixteen first meets you

Nineteen has dreams
Nineteen has been absorbing experiences
about love
about betrayal
about success
about learning
Nineteen falls in love with you

Twenty-one runs away
Twenty-one has no clue what she is doing
about life
about a future
about decision-making
about what to do with all this EMOTION
Twenty-one thinks about you from afar

Twenty-seven is married & pregnant
Twenty-seven is full of excitement
about the world
about the tiny life inside
about the husband who soothes and comforts
about helping those in need
Twenty-seven isn't even thinking about you

Thirty-two means a new divorce
Thirty-two means recovery
from painful reality
from a broken heart
from the need to control everything
from the expectation that love could fix anything
Thirty-two is answering the phone to hear your voice for the first time in 11 years

Forty-five's heart dances with excitement
Forty-five believes that FINALLY out of chaos will come deliverance
from part-time love
from never being sure of where a heart stands
from on again, off again, on again, off again bullshit
from being on the outside looking in
Forty-five is wrong, but doesn't know it yet and embraces you upon your arrival

Fifty is leaving
Fifty is determined to make a life
with joy
with financial security
with outward focus and inward strength
with warmth
Fifty is walking away from you, with one eye glancing over a shoulder

Fifty-three rests
Fifty-three takes stock and creates a new path
of freedom
of giving
of listening to God's voice
of metamorphosis
Fifty-three feels your hand trying to grasp the back of my shirt