valentine

Today is the day true lovers turn towards each other and smile.

Today is the day that some women wait with baited breath to see what idiotic thing their mate will come up with. They love their men, but each year they just know he will get it wrong again.

Today is the day that some men run (in a panic) from store to store wishing that somebody would just point them towards the one thing that will automatically bring a delighted smile to their partner's face. They love their women, but they have absolutely no idea what they are doing and they know it!

Today is the day that some people contemplate whether they are in the wrong relationship.

Today is the day that some people wonder if anyone will ever love them again.

Today is the day that some people mourn the recent - or not so recent loss of a beloved partner.

Today is the day that some people wonder whether their beloved partner will be in this world on the next Valentine's Day.

Today is the day that children everywhere watch and learn what love is. Some lessons are not good ones.

Today is the day that some people make a ton of money.

Today is the day that teenagers everywhere look in the mirror and think that nobody will ever love them.

Today is the day that a lot of chocolate is sold - and eaten!

Today is the day that some don't see coming - then are devastated by when it catches them unawares.

Today is the day that someone will give the perfect gift and it will not be appreciated.

Today is the day that someone will give the perfect gift and the receiver will decide just how much love is there.

Today is the day of proposals and weddings.

Today is the day that some babies will be made - and others will be born.

Today is the day for that special kiss - or to remember that special kiss - or to dream about that special kiss.

facebook addiction

If I were ready to admit that I had a true addiction to facebook, I would begin the twelve step addiction recovery program with this statement: "We admitted we were powerless over facebook—that our lives had become unmanageable." But so far, I am a functional facebook addict. But signs exist that point to the possibility of an addiction. I'm hoping that a confession on my blog will help me to come to a final conclusion.

Confession Number One: I have 597 facebook friends (as of today). By the end of the day, I will have more because I sent some invites to some players on one of the applications that I added. When I separate my "friends" into categories, this is what I come up with - Twelve "friends" are related to me and can be counted as true friends. Thirty "friends" are either former students of mine or were my co-workers when I was working at the college where I had those students - I certainly count them as true friends! Six "friends" are from my current job. Five are co-workers and one is a recent graduate. Six "friends" are guys I went to high school with. I would say that most of them are true friends. One is merely known to me. Twenty-three "friends" are real friends from college. It has been an absolute blast getting to know these folks again!!! That leaves over 500 "friends" who are really absolute strangers to me!

Confession Number Two: I added these "friends" in order to increase my score or my playing ability on one of the game applications I have added on my facebook page. Here are the stupid games that I play:

1. Scavenger Hunt - This is where my application trouble began. This application hides scavenger items all over facebook, including on the pages of any friends that you have that might also have added the application. It didn't take me long to figure out that I would find scavenger items faster if I had more "friends". But it is considered rude (and annoying) to ask your real friends to add an application. So when I saw the "Scavenger Hunt add-me list", I went for it. I have 246 "friends" playing this game with me. I only know one of them!

2. Mousehunt - This is an application that allows you to hunt for different varieties of mice within the application. In this case, mice are only found within the application, but being part of a "hunting group" allows you to catch mice faster. This time, I went looking for the "add-me" list. I have 213 "friends" playing this game with me. I don't know any of them!!!

3. Parking Wars - This application is based on the A&E program of the same name. In this application, you are assigned a street that has five parking places on it. Some are open spots where any car can be parked. Others have signs behind them that say "No parking" or "Red cars only". Cars are also given to you at the beginning of the game. Then you can earn and purchase additional cars. Each player parks their cars on other people's streets. As the car sits parked, its monetary value increases. If you move the car, you "cash in" at whatever its current value is. But if your blue car (for instance) is parked on a "red cars only" spot, the owner of the street can issue a parking ticket. Whew! Anyway, I have one real friend playing this game and lots of "friends" playing. I did not add any friends for this game. I believe they are all on Scavenger Hunt anyway!

4. Possum Toss'em - This application is also based on an A&E show, The Exterminators. It assigns you a neighborhood of six houses. In front of each house sit four garbage cans. Other players "toss" a possum into one of the four trashcans in front of one of your six houses. You can see which house, but you get two guesses to figure out which can the possum is in. Each possum has a monetary value. If you guess correctly, you keep the other player's possum AND you get the cash value of that possum. I have 60 possums in my "possum posse" and I have no idea how many friends are playing this game because the application doesn't show you that, but since most of them were already playing "Parking Wars", I would guess that it is a lot!!!

5. Sorority Life - Anyone who knows me from college (Pfeiffer University) will remember that I actively campaigned to keep sororities and fraternities off the campus. I felt strongly that the best part of being at Pfeiffer was the way that you could freely interact with people who were very different from yourself. I believed that a Greek system would not only alienate the oddest among us, but would kill what was most special. So, it is hysterically funny that I am playing this application. I won't waste time explaining this fluff of a "game". It is point and click and increase various values. I have twenty-seven "sisters", all complete strangers.

6. Safari Scrap - This ridiculous little game allows the player to pick an animal and "train" them to scrap against the animals who belong to other players. The "scrap" consists of clicking on a button. If your animal's point value is greater than the other player, you win! Winning scraps increases your animal's point value. You can also increase your animal's point value by "training", which takes money. You earn money by having more friends playing the game. I have 130 "friends" playing this game.

7. Animal Kingdom - This game allows you to hide a "trap" on the land of each friend who is also playing the game. Check your traps frequently and find new animals that you have caught. They go in your zoo. I have 94 "friends" playing this game.

8. Hatchlings - This game is similar to Scavenger Hunt in that there are eggs hidden throughout facebook, including on the main pages of any friends who happen to be playing! Each egg that you collect hatches into a pet. New eggs are added regularly. I have 205 "friends" playing this game.

I can't lie. There are others. But I have lost interest in them. Interestingly enough, it only takes me about 30 minutes to check all of the game areas. Scavenger Hunt takes a bit longer. Hatchlings takes FOREVER, so I rarely go egg hunting. I'm really not interested enough to spend a long time on facebook playing the games, which takes me to my next confession.

Confession Number Three: I'm not interested enough to stay on facebook a really long time. But even an hour each day seems like a lot to me. I have noticed that some of my "friends" have amassed such a long list of "friends" that it would take them over an hour to check each friend's page to see if they have an egg that is needed for Hatchlings. They start at the top of the list and go all the way through, then start over. They might do that all day long. I know this because they change their status to "I have been searching for the seahorse egg since 7 a.m. and I still have not found it. Can anyone help?" (Players can gift other players with eggs that they find.) Yikes! Now THAT is an addiction!!! (I am not immune to a total addiction like that because I once spent 12-14 hours per day playing World of Warcraft. Now I am down to playing an hour per week.)

Confession Number Four: If someone gifts you with an item from any of the scavenger type games, it is expected that you will post a thank-you on that person's wall. I was raised right, so I do this, but I find it to be a rather silly custom in this setting. Some players are so tied to this notion that they have responded to my "thank you" with a message that informs me that since I thanked them, they will keep me on their list of people to send such gifts to, which tells me that they remove people from the list if a thank you is not received. That'll teach 'em!!!

Confession Number Five: I have spent some time contemplating whether to invite an old college aquaintance to be a "friend" just so I could add her to some of these applications. That would be the only reason I would do it because we had a falling out in college after I outed her as being the lesbian lover of a dear friend of mine who was anguished over this person openly dating a male friend of ours in a "chaste" relationship, but secretly sleeping with this lesbian friend, who was NOT closeted. She eventually married the male friend.No big surprise that I was not invited, even though I had been friends with the fella much longer than she had! It was really none of my business and I should have kept my mouth shut, but at the time it felt like I was supporting my unhappy friend. I have no idea whether the other gal ever came to terms with her sexual orientation, but I suspect that she will not be interested in being my facebook friend or even my facebook "friend". So as each of my other friends (who have either forgotten the incident or thought it wasn't a big deal) send her name to me as a friend suggestion, I ignore the suggestions. I suspect she is doing the same.

Confession Number Six: Each day when I first log in to facebook, I am excited about the possibility that I might have a new friend request from an old friend or a former student. Locating and interacting with some of these old friends and students has really lifted my spirits during a very stressful time in my life!

(Before anyone gets worried, I have created special security groups for my "friends". They don't have access to anything. They can't even post on my wall.)

So, I suppose the jury is still out. Though I am absolutely powerless to stop myself from checking my facebook every day, I also get the most thrill out of the discovery of an old friend and I bore quickly with the applications I have added. So maybe I am still safe. What do you think?

skin color - the remarkable truth

This morning I was listening to "All Things Considered" on National Public Radio. I heard the most fascinating presentation titled "Your Family May Once Have Been a Different Color". The author was Robert Krulwich, who contributes a regular column - "Krulwich On Science". He presented the research done by Nina Jablonski, head of the Penn State Department of Anthropology.

According to Jablonski, skin color is a very fleeting thing, changing over the course of as few as ten generations, depending on the migration patterns of human groups over the course of time. As groups migrate away from the Equator, skin evolves to be lighter in order to let in more UV rays to create vitamin D. As groups migrate towards the Equator, skin evolves to be darker in order to protect it against UV rays and the associated skin cancer.

Given the enormous importance that we place on skin color, it all seems to be absolutely ridiculous in light of this research. Why does anyone care? And thinking about it that way makes you really question those fringe elements that almost celebrate their skin color as a religion. All of them are probably related to someone who was the opposite color!

free association

I stole this from Unconscious Mutterings (http://subliminal.lunanina.com/). The idea is to free associate from the words that are provided for me. Here we go:

1. Take :: five
   
2. 350 :: 50 MORE well-muscled, almost naked men!
   
3. Stand :: tall
   
4. Raspberry :: oops
   
5. Turnstile :: panic
   
6. Infomercial :: Booooooorrrrrriiinnnnngggggg
   
7. Dejected :: down in the dumps
   
8. What’s the word? :: ambidextrous
   
9. Awestruck :: idol
   
10. Smashed :: pumpkin

Well, that was interesting. I have no idea where ambidextrous came from. It just popped into my head. My brother is ambidextrous. Maybe he is sitting on the back burner of my brain.

long shot

The Arizona Cardinals are in the Super Bowl today. Eight months ago, only the most diehard fans would have predicted it. I lived in Phoenix for a number of years. The Cardinals were the comfortable punchline to many a joke, with everyone sharing a knowing laugh. We were accustomed to our team being the laughingstock of pro football. But I think I know why the Cardinals have gained the confidence to get to the Super Bowl. It's their stadium in Phoenix.

My son worked at the Cardinals stadium. Due to a huge pot of money, the stadium actually has a huge sign on it that proclaims it to be the "University of Phoenix Stadium", which is just stupid. There is no connection between the Cardinals and UoP except that pot of money spent to put their name on the front of the stadium.

The stadium itself is pretty fancy. There are 63,400 permanent stadium seats, but more can be added to reach a maximum of 72,200. If you lined those seats up side by side, you would have 18 miles of seats. Wow! My son's job was to work with a team of men to transform the stadium from one venue type to another. So, on one day the stadium was configured to accomodate a football game. Then presto, chango and you have a huge conference space that offers 160,000 square feet of contiguous exhibit space.

The coolest thing though, is the retractable grass field. It is the first of its kind. The tray that slides in and out of the stadium weighs 18.9 million pounds. It sits outside the stadium most of the time, to take advantage of the air and sun. When it is in motion, it travels at a speed of 11.5 feet per minute. Some people ask what the point of the moving field is. Why don't they just use the retractable roof? The stadium designers claim that having the retractable field saves $50,000,000 in costs over a retractable roof.

The roof is interesting too, though. It's made out of a "Bird-Air" fabric that gives an open feeling even when the roof is closed. It is beautiful. The outside of the stadium looks like a giant barrel cactus. I've driven by it many times on my way home from the airport on the 101.

Anyway, I think having this very cool stadium makes the players proud. And that makes them better players. And that is part of why they are in the Super Bowl this year. What would really be cool is if they could be in the next Super Bowl that is scheduled to take place in their own stadium.

Given this blog entry, I suppose I have clearly communicated for whom I am rooting today!

brain-derived neurotrophic factor

After being apart for four months, Reggie visited Memphis for the first time this weekend. He liked the city and is now rethinking his earlier decision to skip Memphis and go on to Atlanta. But either way, I will eventually have to put him on an airplane and send him home to Phoenix.

His arrival and presence (as always) elicits a kaleidoscope of emotions - from delight to frustration and back to delight again. We enjoy each other's company so much, so there is much laughter and joy. But he never stops working. I even woke up very, very late last night to find him on the phone dealing with a situation in Phoenix that apparently nobody else could solve. And as we sat in the darkened movie theatre watching Milk (a marvelous film), his cell phone delivered text message after text message after text message. I worried about the other movie-goers. I'm sure they were annoyed.

His departure will leave a void - his personality takes up so much room - but will also leave me feeling relief to be back in my own space again. I will miss him terribly. This has always been the quandary of our relationship. I always experience this low, low place during the first day or two after we part. He is an incredibly important source of solid, steady, sure reassurance of everything that I am - good and bad. He is my past and present. I am lost without him.

So, facing the sadness that will inevitably accompany his departure, I was interested to read about brain-derived neurotrophic factor today on msn.com:

Using your nondominant hand to do simple chores can improve your mood and your memory; that's because the action stimulates the production of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), a protein that encourages the growth of neurons linked to long-term memory and mood. "When you're depressed or under stress, your brain's production of BDNF plummets," says Moses Chao, Ph.D., professor of neuroscience and psychiatry at New York University School of Medicine. (One of the lesser-known effects of antidepressants, he says, is to raise the levels of BDNF.) Anything unexpected, smelling rosemary first thing in the morning, for example, can activate BDNF.

So tonight, I will brush my teeth with my left hand. And when he texts me to tell me he is safely returned to Phoenix, I will type my whole reply with my left hand.

warning: potential sacrilege ahead

If you are super-religious and easily offended, this is not the ideal blog post for you!

Yesterday, when I was driving home, I called my sister (Lenore) for some moral support. I live in Memphis, Tennessee. My sister lives in Hoboken, New Jersey. We are both busy people, so I was pleasantly surprised when she answered the phone.

I explained to my sister that I was feeling a little overwhelmed by a combination of things and needed her to pray for me or with me. My sister did not hesitate. She asked me if I wanted her to lead the prayer. I said "yes" and she began to pray aloud. Her prayer was, as usual, very relaxed and sweet in nature. At one point she was asking God to help us each recognize that we must own our own issues and allow other people to own their issues. She said "Help us to understand and accept that their stuff is their stuff and our stuff is our stuff". She added, "I think God will know what I mean by stuff, don't you?" I answered, "Yes."

The cell phone connection was a bit shaky. She continued to pray, saying, "Please lift us up in our struggle." I heard everything except the word "struggle". I thought she said. "Please lift us up in our girdle." So I asked, "lift us up in our what?" She answered, "struggle". I said, "Oh, I thought you said girdle." I giggled. Then she giggled. Then we could not stop laughing. We both agreed that "May God lift you up in your girdle" would be a prayer that we would always use with each other in order to find the humor in any given situation.

Tonight, as I was dialing the phone to call my father to tell him this story, my sister called me to say that a friend of hers (Christopher) had improved on our prayer. He suggested that the prayer be, "May God lift you up in your bustier and support you in your girdle." I thought it was pretty funny, but I liked the original better.

But then I called my father and stepmother to tell them this story. After we shared a great laugh, my wonderful stepmother suggested that being lifted up in your girdle might be like a giant wedgie. So I think Christopher's version does win after all!!!

So, ahem ... may God lift you up in your bustier and support you in your girdle!!! (The laughter that this has generated has been a wonderful answer to the original prayer.)

ichi-Fuji, ni-taka, san-nasubi

In Japan, postcards are sent with the intended arrival date of January 1st. The postcards wish the receiver a happy and prosperous new year. These cards, known as nengajo, are sent to friends and relatives. The mail delivery service is guaranteed for January 1st if the postcards are mailed before a certain date and are clearly marked as nengajo.

I love this tradition and would happily participate, but I suppose I would have trouble finding anyone who would deliver my postcards in the USA on January 1st.

There are several traditional ways to wish someone a happy new year in Japan.

"kotoshi mo yoroshiku o-negai-shimasu" (今年もよろしくお願いします), which means "I hope for your favour again in the coming year"

"(shinnen) akemashite o-medetō-gozaimasu" (新年)あけましておめでとうございます), which means "Happiness to you on the dawn (of a New Year)"

"kinga shinnen" (謹賀新年), which means "Happy New Year"

"shoshun" (初春), which is literally "early spring"

Apparently this time of year can be lucrative for a kid in Japan. Otoshidama is the custom of giving money to children at the new year. Small decorated pouches, known as pochibukuro, are used to hold the money. My family lived in Japan for 10 years. I was there for years 6-10. I don't recall getting any pouches of money!!! I figure my parents (when they read this) should immediately acquire some pochibukuro and send me my money!!!

Finally, my favorite Japanese new year tradition is hatsuyume, which is the first dream of the new year. There is a tradition of attempting to interpret the first dream of the new year, with the hope that the dream will be particularly auspicious. The best dream to have would be one that included Mt. Fuji, a hawk (taka) and an eggplant (nasubi). There are a number of theories about where this particular combination came from. Upon hearing this, I wondered if it was simply the appearance of the three items that would be very auspicious, or if the context would be important.

So, if I dream I am a hawk sitting at the top of Mt. Fuji and I soar down on the prevailing winds to a field where I begin eating an incredibly delicious eggplant, would that be more auspicious than if I dream that I am innocently eating a mediocre eggplant and am suddenly picked up in the talons of a marauding hawk who carries me to his nest on Mt. Fuji and feeds me to the baby hawks?

I'm just not sure. I don't remember what I dreamed about last night. But I will be paying attention tonight!!!!!

To all of my friends and family (and even the random reader who happens to drop by as if by accident), I hope you have a wonderful 2009. (Dad & Mom - let's get those pochibukuro in the mail right away!)

kinga shinnen!!!

security guard

So, there's this security guard at work. He's in his late sixties or early seventies. He is quite spry. But I can't help but wonder what circumstances led to him having to do this job at his age. Stock market crash? Somebody fleeced him? What happened?

Anyway, he frequently thinks of something that he wants to tell one of us, but he is not capable of using complete sentences. Below is my representation of how he told us about losing his phone (while he was working in our lobby) and subsequently finding it. At least that is my best guess of what he was saying.

"Ahunh-ya, I tell ya my phone was scarin me knowin it was somewhere I didn't know where, coulda been anywhere. That gave me a scare, ahunh-ya, wouldnda got that thing for my own but when they brung at ere to me I was sure glad to see, ahunh-ya, cause who knew what, do you know it was scarin me?"

Those of us standing there had frozen smiles on our faces because he's a sweet man, but we just couldn't understand anything he said. After he went back to the lobby, we  discussed what we each thought he was saying. English is clearly his native language, so this isn't an issue of an immigrant trying to assimilate. It's interesting the different interpretations we each had. For instance, I rightly or wrongly perceived that he had lost, then found his phone. Another person said he thought the security guard was talking about eating broccoli. (Huh?) Another lady said that she thought he was telling us where he was going to be for the next twenty minutes.

This leads me to think about the power of communication. Each of us has occasion to talk to other people about various things. How much of what we mean to communicate actually gets across? Given the many misunderstandings I've witnessed over the years, I'd say it's easy to miss the mark, either as the speaker or as the listener. No doubt there are myriad studies about miscommunication.

I suppose the bottom line is that we each are responsible for ensuring that what we intend to communicate actually gets to the recipient. How to do that without annoying the crap out of everyone is a mystery to me. You can't very well go around asking people to repeat what you said, just so you can be sure you communicated it well. So, what is the answer?

christmas surprise

The phone rang and there she was - my niece, Charlie Marie. I hadn't spoken with her for at least two years. But her mother (my former sister-in-law) was visiting her brother (my ex-husband) and my son (who is visiting his Dad) called to let me hear her voice.

Charlie Marie lived with us when she was a little baby. There had been some problems and I took her in so that she would not have to be in foster care. At the time that I took her, I had to accept that I could not and would not know how long she would be with me. It might be six months or six years or the rest of her life. I thought of her as a daughter. She called me Mommy.

When the time came for her to return to her family, I handled it very well. We had some transition visits so she could get used to being around her family again. Then she went permanently. Had I not been distracted by a cross-country move, I probably would have fallen apart! Giving up a child - even when you know ahead of time that you might have to - is devastating. But it was the right thing for her and for her family.

That was 2002. Now in 2008 here she was on the phone. She is so smart and sweet. I am reminded once again what a blessing she was to my life while I had her! And I am so pleased that her family is together and happy!