Papa's Spiritual Journey

Today, I've been busy uploading the fourth volume of Papa's MyStory, entitled My Spiritual Journey.

It is a comfort to read that Papa has experienced some of the same struggles that I have. I feel closer to him, which I did not think was possible.

I am so blessed to have been born into my family and to know this man as my father!

crochet

Several years ago, I got the idea to crochet an afghan for myself. I asked my Mother to show me how. She showed me the basic stitches, but I didn't do a project right away. When winter rolled around, I decided to try something. I went to some store. I don't remember which. I bought some big, fat, purple chenille - a choice that screamed of my inexperience! The wrapper around the yarn had a pattern on the back for an afghan and I followed it - sort of. I ended up with a beautiful, cushy, warm, purple afghan that was (no surprise here) one foot shorter on one end than it was on the other.

In previous generations, I suppose girls learned to crochet from their mothers and grandmothers, who were then present in the room while the girls worked on their first project. Had that happened with me, I'm sure I would have received advice about counting stitches. Or more likely, I would have been advised to start with granny squares. (In retrospect, I think my Mother did tell me to try granny squares first. But by the time I got around to looking at yarn, I had forgotten that.)

I still have that purple afghan, by the way. It is still beautiful, cushy, warm & very purple. And now it has lots of ends sticking out, because I had no clue how to properly handle ends. It really is wonderfully funny.

I didn't make anything else for several years. Then, when I was getting ready to move from Pennsylvania back to Georgia, I decided to make a lap throw for my wonderful Daddy. Poor Daddy. He was my guinea pig for my first granny square project. The squares were fine (other than still not knowing how to properly handle the ends), but when it came to joining them I made several errors, the greatest of which was to use the same variegated yarn that I had used to make the squares. The end result wasn't ugly. But it wasn't wonderful either.

Daddy, of course, says that he loves it. He even wrote a haiku about it.

Dozing ‘neath my throw,
                  My heart filled with gratitude,
                                    I’m thinking of you.

Well, I suppose that does count for something! But when I heard my stepmother casually mention throwing it in the washing machine, I actually shuddered. I am so worried about it falling apart! That should tell you everything you need to know about my first effort at a granny square project.

My sister told me she really liked Daddy's throw. I asked her if she wanted me to make one for her. She said YES!!! This time, I actually went online and did a little research about granny squares. I found a different pattern than the one I used for Daddy's throw. About a third of the way through it, I discovered multiple videos on YouTube showing crochet techniques including - voila! - how to deal with the ends. A needle, you say? Brilliant!!!

Here is my sister's throw:

I did a better edging, which I also learned from a YouTube video:

She's only seen pictures of it. I'll take it to the family reunion in July. I really loved how this turned out! It is pretty and warm and I know that MOST of the ends are secure.

My Mother was with me while I was making this one and the next trip to JoAnn's found her picking out yarn for HER throw. I used the same pattern that I used for my sister's and learned another valuable lesson. NEVER do the same project twice in a row with no breaks. It was SO BORING! While my sister's project felt like a labor of love, my Mother's project just felt like labor. I honestly felt like I would never finish!!! But I did:

Here is a close-up, with a signature that I added:

Honestly, I don't like it as well as the one I did for my sister! I'm now working on my next three projects simultaneously. What I really need right now is to find some other people working with yarn. I absolutely believe that I would learn so much more if I was working side-by-side with people who are more expert at the craft of crochet.

luggage

My husband asked me
“Do you want to lug Gage, Hon?”
My son’s a bundle.

www.oneword.com

shorthand

Two hours cooking for
Mom. Silence. That's her shorthand
for “I don’t like it”.

www.oneword.com

instrumental

Instrumental for
all Republican planning:
how to instill fear

www.oneword.com

earring

When I remembered,
it was the sparkly, opaque
earring I thought of.

www.oneword.com

dishwasher (fiction)

When she tilted open the door, she found chaos waiting for her in the dishwasher. Really, she thought, how difficult is it to load this appliance? It appeared that they had simply tossed things in as they used them, with no care for any logical arrangement. She sighed dramatically.

Working quickly, she rearranged plates in order of size from outside to in, and then re-stacked the bowls to ensure that the water could reach the inside of each one. In the created space that this rearrangement provided, she added the mixing bowls that had been stacked carelessly in the sink, next to some used Tupperware containers. She pulled out silverware that was handle up and replaced them handle down. She slid the bottom basket back in and turned her attention to the top basket.

Taffy came in the kitchen then, her little Dachshund toenails clicking on the tile floor. She gazed up at Marge with a happy, expectant look. Marge stepped into the pantry and extracted a small Milk Bone from the bin and bent over to place it in Taffy’s view. Taffy sniffed at it, then politely placed her mouth around it and sunk down to the floor to munch on it. Marge noticed Taffy’s water bowl had a little debris in it, so she took it back to the sink, rinsed it out, refilled it and returned in to the pantry floor. Taffy looked up as she crunched part of the treat. Her tail wagged in happiness. “Good girl”, Marge said.

She returned to her task. She relocated all of the coffee cups to the right side of the top basket, handles facing the same way in order to maximize the space. Then she did the same thing with the glassware on the left. Into the remaining space, she added the Tupperware containers and lids, arranging them so that one kept the next in against the rough pummeling they would receive from the water jets. (She hated opening the door at the end of the rinse cycle, only to find the containers open side up, filled with water.) When she was done, she added a cube of dishwasher detergent, snapped shut the compartment she had placed it in and shut the door. She punched the start button and smiled with satisfaction.  She pictured the kids opening the dishwasher and imagining that magic had created order where chaos had been. Or maybe they would know that she had created the masterpiece.

Back in the living room, she sat in her plush purple recliner and listened to the dishwasher. The rhythmic waves of water massaging the plates, bowls and silverware lulled her into an almost trance-like state. She loved the sound of the dishwasher, even the silences between cycles. One had to live a life without a dishwasher to truly appreciate the wonder of owning one. That was the trouble with those two. They had never had her experience. In her childhood, every meal was followed by the ritual of washing, rinsing, drying and putting away all of the things that had been used for the meal. She and her siblings took turns with the various tasks, guided by the chore chart on the wall of the kitchen. There were four children and four tasks, so they learned to work together to get the job done. Washing was the worst because it included the wiping down of the kitchen table, the counters, the stove and the cabinets around the cooking arena. She hated being assigned to washing. Still, there was always satisfaction in finishing. They would retreat to the living room and play board games or cards, fighting over imagined slights until Daddy intervened to restore order. After Daddy left, their brother was the one to restore order among the squabbling sisters. He was the oldest and naturally became the leader.

But sitting here now, listening to the dishwasher hum, she was thankful that it existed. She closed her eyes and breathed in and out deeply. She dozed off and dreamed of dancing plates, like Beauty and the Beast, except in place of “Be Our Guest”, she heard Led Zeppelin’s “The Crunge”. She was, after all, an aging hippy.

virginia's new honor rape law

In places like Afghanistan and Pakistan, male-dominated society is the norm. Violence against women is acceptable. Women who try to demonstrate any control over their own lives are demonized. And in this area of the world, an "honor rape" is considered an acceptable means of punishing a family. One of the more well known cases of honor rape was that of Mukhtaran Bibi, a Pakistani woman who was gang-raped because her brother was accused of having illicit sex with an unmarried woman. The case is well-known because she successfully pressed charges against the men who raped her and some of the men went to prison. But that is a rare outcome in that part of the world. And in some cases, tribal councils have ordered a gang rape as a punishment.

This couldn't happen in the United States of America. No. But it is going to be happening very soon. Because the men of Virginia have banded together and passed a law that requires that every woman who wants to have an abortion must undergo a medically unnecessary ultrasound, whether she wants one or not and whether her doctor wants her to or not. Because the vast majority of abortions are performed in the early part of the first trimester, the only viable ultrasound is transvaginal ultrasound.

What the heck is that? Well, I can describe it in detail because I have had one. In 1991, I had an ectopic pregnancy. My doctor ordered a transvaginal ultrasound to verify that there was a fertilized egg in my fallopian tube. No amount of conversation could have prepared me for this event.

This is the device that was used. When the technician took it out and began explaining it to me, I nearly died of embarrassment. She was very professional and didn't bat an eye as she rolled a condom onto the wand. I had to lie on my back while she put the wand into me. It was not pleasant. It was uncomfortable.It was embarrassing.

This is what the wand looks like inside a woman. As you can see, it isn't a small item. The wand must penetrate all the way to the back wall of the vagina in order to capture an image.It also has to stay in place and be moved around in order to achieve good images. There is a lot of pressure and discomfort. And it takes a while. In my situation, this WAS medically necessary, so I bore the discomfort and embarrassment. I then had surgery to remove the ectopic pregnancy and mourned the loss of a baby that I had very much wanted.

Now you're probably wondering why the men of Virginia passed a law that requires doctors to do this to women when it is medically unnecessary. They claim that they want women to make an informed decision prior to having an abortion. They want women to have "more information". They imagine that looking at an ultrasound picture of the fetus will cause some women to change their minds. There has been no call for this from the medical community, no hint from anyone knowledgeable that women seeking abortions are lacking information that they need to make an informed decision. So we know that this is not really the reason.

Just to get the true flavor of their thinking, note this: When presented with information about how the majority of these medically unnecessary ultrasounds would be performed, one legislator responded that women had already made the decision to be penetrated when they got pregnant, so he had no problem with it. (In other words, once you allow your vagina to be penetrated by a man, it's open season on your lady parts.)

What does this have to do with honor rape? Well, let's see. We have religious fanatics who do not want women to have freedom over their own bodies. These religious fanatics are so determined to control women that they have legislated a vaginal penetration of them in order to shame and punish them. That, by definition, is an honor rape.

Tribal Council in Pakistan = Virginia Legislature
Honor Rape = Forcible penetration of vaginas as a way of punishing women who are sexual

Congratulations, Virginia. You've done yourself proud. You are now the Taliban. You must be so proud.

Obama 2012

The presidential election is just around the corner and I'm thinking about how I can make a difference this year. In 2007 and 2008, I contributed a lot of money to the Obama campaign. Early in the process, when friends and family were supporting Hilary Clinton and telling me that Obama couldn't win, I was the only voice echoing his campaign slogan of Yes, We Can! I can't contribute as much money this time around, but I can at least talk about why I will be voting for him again:

1. President Obama took a bold position when he chose to offer loans to Chrysler and GM. And it worked. Both companies have repaid the borrowed funds and both companies are profitable again. There were many, many critics of the president's decision. And the situation wasn't - and isn't perfect. The companies shouldn't have needed the loans! Ford, for instance, didn't need to borrow any money because their leaders did a better job of forecasting and planning. And there were costs associated with tracking the loans that the government will never recoup. But we will also never know what the long-term consequences might have been if he hadn't made this decision!

2. President Obama's social policies are more likely to reduce unwanted pregnancies and will, therefore, reduce the number of abortions performed in the USA. The Republican candidates are all very vocal in their anti-abortion stance. But they also promote public policies that are guaranteed to increase the number of abortions (legal or illegal) performed in the USA. Decreasing access to birth control and teaching abstinence only sex education are two ways that we can assure an increase in abortions. More importantly, I truly believe that, with the possible exception of Santorum, the Republican candidates take these stances for the sole reason of getting votes. Let me be clear - I am 100% pro-choice and never want to see the day that women lose any measure of their reproductive freedom. But I would love to see the day when we don't need abortion - legal or illegal. The answer to that is through access to birth control and sex education that includes access to all information available.

3.  President Obama ended the Bush-era restrictions on stem cell research. "In recent years, when it comes to stem cell research, rather than furthering discovery, our government has forced what I believe is a false choice between sound science and moral values," Obama said. "In this case, I believe the two are not inconsistent. As a person of faith, I believe we are called to care for each other and work to ease human suffering ... But in recent years, when it comes to stem cell research, rather than furthering discovery, our government called to care for each other and work to ease human suffering. I believe we have been given the capacity and will to pursue this research – and the humanity and conscience to do so responsibly." (The Guardian 3/9/09)

4. President Obama ended the decades long American military policy of Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) that was in effect from December 21, 1993 to September 20, 2011. This was a courageous decision and one that he knew would get backlash. But when the vast majority of the military leaders said it was time to make a change, President Obama listened and acted. Interestingly enough, Gingrich and Santorum have both publicly called for DADT to be reinstated. I guess that tells the military leadership how much these candidates plan to listen to the experts if they ever hold the Commander In Chief title.

5. President Obama has lately shown that he favors small-scale, but effective military maneuvers to handle big problems. Under his leadership, we've seen al-Qaeda decimated and Osama bin Laden removed from the planet. Republican leadership likes war a little too much for my taste. As much as they like to say that they "support the troops", they sure throw them into the front lines a little too casually. What they really like is to ensure that money flows in the direction of the war machine - all the companies (like Halliburton) who profit from our country being at war. We are now out of Iraq and are increasing spending on the things that military families need - housing allowances, tuition assistance for military & their families, family support programs and military pay. If we put a Republican in office, how long before we are invading Iran?

6. President Obama signed the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act in March 2010 after it was passed by Congress. (This is the actual name of the legislation that critics love to call "Obamacare".) There can be no argument that it is bad to ensure that all American citizens have access to affordable healthcare. Nobody is bold enough to argue that only people with money should be able to get healthcare. So the main argument against PPACA has boiled down to a claim that it is unconstitutional. Not so fast, says Charles Fried, who was solicitor general under President Ronald Reagan. Dr. Fried, a conservative Republican, indicates that there is absolutely nothing unconstitutional about the law and he says that he hears no arguments against the law from the vast majority of constitutional law experts at the Federalist Society (an organization of conservatives & libertarians who study constitutional law). So why all of the hullabaloo? It's just another divisive issue that politicians are using to garner voter support.

7. Character and personal beliefs matter. Although our founding fathers wisely ensured, through our Constitution, that there would never be a requirement that our presidential candidates be of any particular religious faith, I think we can all agree that character and personal beliefs matter to us as voters. (Well, this is certainly true for the people I know & respect.) President Obama is a family man and a Christian who lives a Christ-centered life. He is a good man. He clearly believes that women are equal to men. I've seen him angry on only a few occasions. One that stands out to me was his reaction when the crowd (gathered to hear Republican candidates) booed an openly gay member of the military and none of those candidates rose to the military guy's defense. “You want to be commander in chief,” the president said, “you can start by standing up for the men and women who wear the uniform of the United States, even when it’s not politically convenient.” President Obama is true to his own principles and stands firm, even in the face of criticism.

8. Each of the Republican candidates frighten me - for different reasons.

• Gingrich is a complete slimeball who would say or do anything to regain the power he had in the 1980's. He has an axe to grind against Democrats AND Republicans. At the end of his congressional reign, everybody was happy to see him go. He is a power-hungry megalomaniac who will do damage to our country if he ever makes it back to Washington, D.C.
• Santorum is an evangelical who sees no harm in changing the laws of the land to ensure that all Americans are forced to live according to his version of the Christian faith. If you are an evangelical, that's fine. I have many relatives who would describe themselves as evangelicals. But surely you don't approve of any one religious group controlling the lives of everyone else? Taliban, anyone? Sharia law, anyone? Does nobody get the irony of this???
• Romney is a moderate who is now trying very hard to "conservatize" himself.  He has taken an anti-abortion stance. He supports abstinence eduction. (See # 3, above.) He has flip-flopped on gun control, at first signing laws that banned certain weapons and instituting waiting periods, but later joining the NRA just prior to declaring his candidacy for president. He has also flip-flopped on the issue of economic policy. In fact, he flips and flops so much that he should scare anybody. I don't think he knows what he is in favor of until he figures out what is popular that day! But the clincher for why he scares me is that he has told one too many lies. He once told an audience that he saw his father marching with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. This was later debunked. He was pandering to African-American voters.

9. When I think of WHAT COULD BE, I know I will vote to re-elect President Obama. Joan Ruaiz, over at democratsforprogress.com said it best in her article entitled "We All Have a Choice in 2012". In it, she outlines that which could be if we elect a Republican president again. I suggest that you read that article before you make any decision about what you'll do in November.

That's just nine of my fifty reasons, but you get the idea, I think. My hope is that you will actually give thought to what you want for our country. Don't just repeat crap that you've heard on whatever channel you're listening to. Listen to the opposing arguments too. Really think about what you think is best for our country. Me? I'll be campaigning for - and voting for - President Obama.

what i’ve learned (so far) while not working

In late November 2011, I resigned from my full-time position as president of a small career college in Pennsylvania. I made the decision to do this because I wanted to be back in the Atlanta area to be closer to family. It has taken longer to get relocated than I had anticipated, however, so I’ve had a lot of time on my hands.

I’ve watched a lot of television: 

•  There are at least 18 different pills you can order direct from the manufacturer (but can’t buy in any store) that will allow you to lose a lot of weight without making any changes to your diet or exercise routine. Many of them have “miracles” attached to them. Clearly they work because each advertisement is accompanied by photos of women (and a few men) back when they were fat and right now, wearing their skinny clothes. Typically, they looked sad and pale and wore tan colored clothing when they were fat. But now that they are miraculously skinny, they smile a lot and wear primary colors. Although I am a few pounds heavier than I should be, I can’t see spending money on these pills, even though it is exciting to think that I could lose weight while sitting on my ass in my recliner eating bacon, lasagna and ice cream.
  
•  Medicare is not enough. I know this because supplemental insurance is offered by multiple companies. The spokespeople sound very urgent and the seniors who tell their stories are very compelling. I will not be eligible for Medicare for quite some time, but I am glad that I have this advance warning about the inadequacy of Medicare.
• There are some amazing kitchen gadgets out there. Usually, you can get two, even if you only pay for one. Interestingly enough, many of these gadgets have “miracles” attached to them too. I’m not sure how often I have managed a miracle while standing in my kitchen preparing dinner, so maybe one of these gadgets would help. But again, since I currently have no income, I can’t justify spending the money on a gadget, no matter how many miracles it can perform.
•  If I fall down, I will regret that I am not wearing a button around my neck with which to summon an emergency response team. It’s always interesting to me how young and handsome emergency response team members are when they are portrayed on television, both in commercials and on television dramas. Clearly, if this were true, I would buy that button right now and begin summoning teams of good-looking, muscular men right away. But I know this is just a ruse. I’ve seen emergency response teams in real life. They look just like … well … me. 
• That actress from Glee, Jane Lynch, is in a lot of television commercials. I deduce from this that she is a very intelligent woman. She knows her time in the spotlight is probably limited and she is putting money in the bank any which way she can while she has the opportunity. I like her, but I really hate her commercials. She is entirely too perky for daytime television.
•  It is possible to watch three or more television programs simultaneously. When I grew weary of commercials for diet pills, Medicare supplemental insurance, kitchen gadgets and whatever Jane Lynch was selling, I started changing the channel as soon as the commercial came on. I found that I could find at least one other good program to watch until the program on the original channel came back on. The only problem was that sometimes the commercials overlapped and I found myself watching a third show and maybe even a fourth. Unfortunately, I found that when I got up to four, I sometimes forgot what the first show was. I remember getting caught up in Dog The Bounty Hunter, 48 Hours and A Baby Story and completely forgetting that I was watching House Hunters International. I never did see which house in the Dominican Republic that couple selected. I would have gone with the one with multiple views of the ocean and the open floor plan.

Other than television, I have also spent a good deal of time on my computer.

• Minesweeper is still fun. I had forgotten all about this game! (8, 46 and 184. I know that isn’t great. It’s been a while!)
•  The people who play World of Warcraft during the day are very different from the people I have been used to playing with on the weekends. In general, WoW players fall into several categories. There are pre-adolescent boys who play extremely fast, wiping out monsters and enemies left and right while I’m still trying to figure out what the objective is. (These boys also get carried away with the anonymity of WoW and say and do some spectacularly stupid things, then can’t back down to save their lives. I’ve witnessed some brutal verbal take-downs when they get into an altercation with an adult who has no empathic understanding or memory of what it’s like to be a 12 year old male.) There are adult male computer geeks who play WoW every minute they are not doing essential things like earning a living. These are the two groups I have been used to playing the game with on weekends. But the people I play with during the day are different. There are a lot more female players during the day. And there are older people playing. Although they are still primarily men, the testosterone levels are a lot lower. This can be a good thing when you are trying to all get along in a group. But it also means there are fewer kamikaze players who generally lead groups and get everyone through difficult times. So – fewer fights, but more situations where everyone gets wiped out.
• Facebook is actually a wormhole.
•  Stumbleupon.com is a really neat tool for finding interesting stuff. Sure, you have to click through some crap, but you will eventually be rewarded with something that will make your eyes grow wide. It will be something that you would never have seen no matter how many more decades you occupied space on this planet. And you will be glad that you kept clicking.
•  Spotify has taught me that I have missed out on some really spectacular music because I was listening to my Ipod. Three songs in particular (so far) that I have found that are just amazing – Creep by Radiohead, Come Pick Me Up by Ryan Adams and Wake Up Alone by Amy Winehouse. (Younger people reading this are shaking their heads because these songs are already “old”.) I’m just amazed that I allowed myself to miss good music. I am a musician, for Pete’s sake. (I wonder who the heck Pete is?) I realize that I’ve allowed myself to gradually fade away from my musician days. So one of my resolutions for living in Atlanta is to find some people to make music with and to go listen to live music.

A few other random things:

• The United States Postal Service employee who services my building gets very angry if I let a week’s worth of mail pile up in that little box downstairs. I know this because he happened to be in the lobby when I went down to get it one time. He delivered a stern lecture about how critically important it is to notify the post office when one is going to be out of town. When he was done, I briefly considered making up a story about a very sick neighbor for whom I was collecting mail, but decided that he really just needed a hug more than he needed an undeserved guilt trip. I didn’t give him the hug, though. He was carrying a huge ring of keys and I wasn’t sure exactly how on edge he was. I did not want to meet my demise in the lobby of this building.
  
•  My cat sleeps a lot.
• My apartment still needs cleaning almost as much today as it did six weeks ago. I always used work as an excuse for not having the energy to clean. I was too tired to clean, I told myself. Clearly, my face should be next to the word SLOTH in the dictionary. (I started to use ABLUTAPHOBIA there, but it includes a fear of bathing, which I do not have. And I can’t really claim to be afraid of cleaning.) I have done some cleaning, certainly more than I did over the last year. But there is still much to be done. But at least my toilet is white again. I need to step it up so I’m not stuck doing everything at the last minute after the movers come.
• Time passes very slowly when you don’t do anything. I worked for the same company for just over nine years and it feels like it was three years. I’ve been out of work for six weeks and it feels like six months. It’s amazing. The European countries that have 3-6 weeks of vacation really know what they are doing. My body is more relaxed today than it has been in decades. I believe that the American work ethic is sick and it’s making Americans sick. I have no idea what the solution is. But I can clearly see the problem now. I was blind to it while I was working my butt off.
•  I haven’t read nearly as much as I anticipated I would. I am surrounded by books that I have not read. But I haven’t finished a single book in the six weeks I have not been working. I’ve done more writing, however. I’ve also composed some music.
•  I’ve rediscovered my cookbooks. I really, really love to cook. One of the things I am most looking forward to in Atlanta is hosting dinner parties for family and friends. Atlanta friends, hold me to this!!!

Well, that’s it for now. I’ve got to get back to the television. They’re having a Law & Order marathon on A&E and I don’t want to miss it. Have a great day! Or, if you’re still working, have a great ten minutes!