Tuesday, April 13, 2010
ego, Eggo, ergo, eager. Edgar
Keenly aware am I, that most people begin a blog entry with an IDEA. But I didn't have an IDEA, so I began with a title. I typed five words - ego, Eggo, ergo, eager, Edgar. Let's see if I can do anything interesting with those five words. You tell me how I did at the end.
Oh, the ego. Try as I might, I can not let go of I, me, mine. All through the day, all through the night, I think about (and dream about) how things affect me and what impact I have on others. I work hard to develop a generosity of spirit and I practise random acts of kindness and I think I'm being - or becoming - a better version of myself. But oh, my ego. It will step up and demand attention. "What about me," my ego whines. I pout and allow myself to sink into that pathetic place where I once again convince myself that I should be somewhere else, chasing dreams I allowed to slip away when a younger face smiled back at me from mirrors I surveyed. Reboot! The more I focus on people and things outside myself, the happier I become. Will I ever defeat this battle of will with my SELF? Probably not. But I will continue to try.
This morning I had Eggo waffles for breakfast. The toaster must be carefully watched because I have had it forever and if left to its own devices, it will burn those waffles. Every time I look at my Williams-Sonoma catalog, I drool over an All-Clad waffle maker they offer for sale for the reasonable price of $199.95. Now you know why I don't own one! But I would love to make fresh waffles in the morning. But then, wouldn't I need freshly squeezed orange juice? And real maple syrup? Never mind. I'll stick with the Eggos. A few months ago, my local grocer had signs posted indicating that there would soon be a shortage of Eggos. If a time ever came when there were no Eggos available, I never noticed it!
Since I had already decided to write about the word ergo, with no good reason as to why, I found myself with a serious case of writer's block. So I did what all bloggers claim that they never do - I Googled. Disturbing find number one is ERGO, which stands for the Euthanasia Research & Guidance Association. Their website has lots of publications about assisted suicide. I don't have a problem with assisted suicide, provided I am being assisted by people I know and trust. But I'm not sure I am ready to trust other people with this authority. Disturbing find number two is Ergot of Rye, which is not really fair since it is an entirely different word, but I can't control what comes up in Google now can I!?! Anyway, one theory behind the hallucinations that became the foundation of the Salem witch trials, is that the rye used to make the bread had been infected with a fungus. When people ate the bread, they hallucinated. Because the community was very religious, people assumed the visions were the work of the devil. Scary stuff!!! (I bet you believed that the girls were purposely making false accusations and the others were just caught up in the frenzy and followed along like mindless robots. Silly, mean girls! That is the standard story.)
I'm eager to go on my vacation, which is still more than a month away. On Saturday morning I am getting my hair done, which will be a mini-vacation. Maybe I will see if I can get a massage too. I can't afford to get too relaxed though because I still have a lot of work to get done at the school. I'm eager to cook something yummy this weekend. I would love to make that chicken-sweet potato-black bean stew that I made a while ago. It was so easy. Maybe I will. Right this minute, I am eager to eat some dinner! Here are some synonyms of eager: desirous; gung ho; fervent; agog. I love the word agog.
I meant to place another comma after the word eager in the title of this blog entry. I accidentally put a period instead. So - Edgar stands alone. Edgar Allen Poe stood alone. He was an American author who dabbled in the macabre and helped establish the beginnings of the science fiction genre. Edgard Cayce was an American who claimed to channel spirits while in a self-induced trance. There is still a current organization, Edgar Cayce's Association for Research and Enlightenment, which seems to encourage the study of many different subjects, including Atlantis, dream interpretation, the Mayan calendar (especially the year 2012) and lots of other odd ideas. So, Edgard Cayce definitely stood alone! Edgar Degas stood alone because even though he was one of the first artists to be called an Impressionist, he rejected the term.
I am done, but I don't feel like I'm done. Okay, I will leave you with this last thought, which has nothing to do with anything that came before this:
Zen is not easy.
It takes effort to achieve nothingness.
And then what do you have?
(Zen and the Art of Jewish Motorcycle Maintenance)