mourning

Trust is a hard thing to lose. When you think that someone is in your corner and you find out you are standing alone, it is a painful thing. A situation like this does do one thing and do it well. It absolutely teaches you that as long as the no-longer-trusted is in the vicinity, you will never, ever confide in - or ask for help from - the one who betrayed you.

This is a hard lesson to learn when you are learning it for the first time in a young life. (And I can speak from personal experience that it is still hard to live through no matter how old you get.) But the absolute most difficult part of the equation is that you must immediately decide that you will not allow one betrayal (or two, or three, or fifty-three) to affect your ability to open your heart to the next person. Keeping your heart open is what makes us distinctly human - and vulnerable - and capable of deep and abiding love. And that kind of love is only possible when you take the risk of opening your heart - no matter how many betrayals have taken place.

back in Phoenix (business meeting & Sam's surgery)

Sam & I flew out to Phoenix today. We have checked into the hotel. He has already left to go spend the night at Rob's house. He visits the surgeon's office tomorrow to look at the fingers to plan the surgery on Tuesday. (I think I am more nervous than he is. But maybe not.)

Fate is funny. Sam and I did not sit next to each other on the plane. He sat in the back and I was on the exit row. Sitting next to me was an interesting man who works in the fashion industry. He actually had an accident about four years ago (involving a meat grinder) which almost cost him three of his fingers. He is now completely healed, though his fingers are not beautiful!!! But he is coping very well. I asked him to talk to Sam after we arrived in Phoenix, which he did! I think Sam really appreciated his story and his encouragement.

Well, I am off to have dinner with some co-workers!

blast from the past

My friend Bill sent me these pictures. What a blast from the past!!! Bill and Waverly and I were a guitar trio. We did performances together - folk music mostly. The photo at left shows us performing at the coffee house out by the lake on the campus of Pfeiffer University. As I recall, our voices really blended together beautifully. That was a really fun time.

The picture at right shows me playing the processional at Bill's wedding to the lovely Elaine. Awesome memories. Thank you, Bill!!! Amazingly enough, we have not changed a bit! LOL

phelps

Talk about an amazing guy - Phelps came from behind in the 100 m butterfly to win his 7th Beijing gold medal by one one-hundreth of a second. His mother nearly collapsed in the stands.

I still don't have my cable set up at home so I am reduced to watching snippets of the Olympics on my laptop. But I have enjoyed every snippet I have watched. It is so gratifying to watch these athletes, knowing the time and energy they have put into the preparation. I always imagine the mothers and fathers getting up early in the morning to take their child to the pool, gym, field, etc. You know that gigantic sacrifices have been made on behalf of these athletes.

And listening to our national anthem play at the awards ceremony makes me cry every time. I am filled with images in my mind of all of the freedoms we have in this country -- and all of the ways in which I benefit daily from being an American.

Whether we win or lose, the Olympics is a time that I feel real pride to be an American.

procrastination

Let us count the ways in which we can avoid unpacking boxes:

1. Join Facebook. (Thanks a LOT, Lenore!!!) Spend hours searching for old friends. Chat with old friends I find. Review applications. Search for items in the Scavenger Hunt application, etc.
2. Review the contents of each cookbook I unpack. Think about which recipes go together. Imagine reaction of guests to each finished dish. Remember doing this before when I first acquired each cookbook. Realize (again) that I have never made a single recipe out of that particular cookbook. Move on to next cookbook. Repeat. For hours.
3. Dance to music which is playing on speakers in every room from the stereo that is wired into the house. Cool! Happy feet!
4. Go get manicure and pedicure. Decide upon returning that I should read a while to let polish "set" rather than take a chance that opening a box may smudge polish.
5. Play World of Warcraft.
6. Read latest issue of Vanity Fair.
7. Do web search (again) of Mexican Riviera cruise planned for April 2009. Look at shore excursions (again) and imagine us on each one. Think about clothing I need to shop for.
8. Blog.
9. Read favorite blogs.
10. Search for random blogs. Find blog by young man journaling his experience in the Peace Corps. Read entire blog. Send message of support.
11. Call friends/family to chat about various subjects.
12. Take a nap.
13. Wake up. Look at boxes on floor next to bed and wonder what is in them. Decide to have snack before checking boxes.
14. Get bag of chips. Might as well check Facebook to see if any new friends have appeared. Hey! More friends! Better read their pages and send messages right away.
15. Etc.

amputation

Sam's middle finger is healing well, but it will never be the same. The surgeon told Sam that his first instinct was to amputate it, but he decided to try to save it. It does have blood flow and he does have feeling in it. But it will never bend again. Sam has become convinced that it will just be in the way. He is now soliciting opinions of everyone he can think of (including complete strangers) as to whether he should allow the surgeon to amputate it.

I am of the strong opinion that he should NOT amputate because that would be permanent. Until he has the second surgery (to put the plate in) and completes the entire regimen of physical therapy, he can NOT know how much function he will have. So he is making a decision based on nothing more than his imagination.

Being a parent is extremely frustrating sometimes.

a brother's love

Reggie's brother died yesterday. Reggie did not go see him and is now numb with grief. I can't imagine how he must feel. Very sad. He is headed to SC for the gathering of the family.

Training concludes around noon tomorrow. I will go pick up Sam and we will head back to Memphis. If the fairies did not visit the house while we were gone, I will have a lot of unpacking to do over the weekend. I am a little tired of unpacking so I will have to work on my motivation.

Dog the Bounty Hunter is back on A&E. Although I do not condone what he did, I have missed the show. The mix of tough, "redneck" style and their Christian faith and desire to change lives seems so earthy and real to me.

beast

What beast is this that refuses to die,
keeps hunting flesh within my breast,
beats back those tools used to delay,
its steady march through every day.

When might the beast that squanders hope,
(left vainly waiting elusive rescue),
let go and move to richer fields,
now satisfied and strangely mute.

What could I say to send it clear,
to distract it from my scent and hue,
and standing very, very still,
escape its notice 'til it's gone.

But it won't go, not now or ever,
for the beast is mine, is me, is in me.
Of my creation, I feed and clothe it.
I let it stay and stay and stay.

This creature of my own making,
throws open wide the gates of love,
to let you in and in and in,
to let you mine the reaches within.

back in the ATL

It feels rather odd to be back in Atlanta. I've lived in two different worlds (NJ and AZ) since I lived here. I feel the same and I feel different. I have grown in ways I never imagined since I drove my car away from here in 2002. I was headed west to a place I knew almost nothing about. Oh the wanderlust was planted so firmly in me by my parents. I have no home town!!! Home is where I hang my ... car keys?

But Georgia is where I lived the most years. 1968-1973; 1979-80; 1981-1982; 1983-2002. I do seem to end up back here over and over. I will probably come back this way again eventually.

I dropped Sam off at his father's house before I drove to my hotel. The three of us had dinner together. Speaking of surreal ...

Now I will head to bed to get some rest. Tomorrow I am up early for training - very exciting!

Splash Day

The first week as a president went pretty well. I just can't say enough good things about my staff. They are really a very capable group. We had a "Splash Day" today. What a perfect day for it! The meteoroligist said it felt like 109 degrees with the humidity. It was HOT for Memphis, TN. We had three bouncies for the kids, two of which had water slides. We had face painting, grilled hotdogs and hamburgers, three flavors of icies, a live DJ, raffles for gas cards and a lot of good, clean fun. Our students and their families had a blast!

Tomorrow I am off to Atlanta, Georgia to attend a few days of training. Joe will be in charge of the house while I'm gone. Let's hope he doesn't have a keg party. I've planned ahead this time so I can visit with friends. I'll see Holly tomorrow evening when I get there. Then I plan to see my cousin Susan and her husband Reg while I am in town. And I reached out to my friend Mike to see if we could at least chat while I was there. He wants to have dinner. I didn't even call anyone at my prior place of employment because I can't see them during the day and my evenings are already claimed!

My house looks like a tornado went through it. I hate this stage of the unpacking. Tons of stuff is still in boxes. Half of the stuff that is out of the box is just placed in random places. I already don't like how I arranged the kitchen so I have to start over. And the hedges need trimming. Sigh. Maybe I could hire a goat.