Wednesday, May 4, 2016

ten interesting facts about myself

Well, this writing prompt feels a little odd. I can't promise you'll find these interesting. But here they are:

1. There is someone living in the crawl space of my house. At least I think so. I hear odd noises when I'm home alone and the dogs don't bark. I think they know the person because they interact when I'm not here. I find things in places I don't remember leaving them. And I just feel the person there. I'm not afraid, just curious.

2. Mystery shopping is fun. Long term assignments are the best. I love the feeling of behaving just like any other person while collecting information. I imagine this is what it feels like to be a CIA operative, minus the fear of being shot. I've been collecting my observations and experiences for many years now. I think they'd make a great book.

3. My first thought every morning is coffee. I stumble to the kitchen and put water on to boil. I assemble a coffee cup, a Melita one cup coffee dripper, a #2 filter, and 3-4 heaping tablespoons of Columbian, medium-roast coffee. I pour the water over it and wait for it to drip through. I add sugar and whole milk. Then, after I take my first sip I say out loud, "Nectar of the gods." I only rarely drink coffee again throughout the day. But I need that first cup.

4. I've written an entire musical stage production about an annoying guy who bursts into song at the slightest provocation. Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm the one who bursts into song at the slightest provocation. I can't help it. Everything reminds me of a song. Throughout my day, as people say something or I respond to a question, a corresponding song pops into my head. I feel compelled to sing it. People generally fall into two categories: Hahaha or Shutup.

5. Vanilla people bore me. I frighten vanilla people. My colors and lights are too bright. But I always wish I could explain to vanilla people, especially the ones I like or love, that I didn't choose my colors and lights. I was born this way.

6. I've wanted to be a taxi driver since the show Taxi was on television in the late 1970's. Of my fantasy post-retirement gigs, it was always #2 on the list, just after library volunteer. Well, I've been at the public library for just over two years. And now, as of last week, I'm driving for Lyft. I'm a taxi driver! I have a feeling I could write another musical about this! People are endlessly interesting.

7. When we were in Tahiti in 2008, my best friend and I investigated available jobs at a university there. There were jobs, but only French citizens are eligible to immigrate to Tahiti. We discussed at length how we could make that happen. Step one: Move to France. Step two: Marry a Frenchman. Step three: Become a French citizen. Step four: Move to Tahiti. The fact that we were in agreement that each of us could easily accomplish this is evidence of our self-confidence and also serves as an explanation for why we're best friends.

8. Babies love me. I think they can just tell that I love them. I always imagined that I would have six sons. When I'm holding a baby, or interacting with a baby, I'm so full of joy. My niece just had a baby and I want to go live next door so I can be first in line for babysitting. When my son marries and has children, he and his wife will have a built-in babysitter, assuming we're in the same city.

9. I keep checking books out of the library that I never get around to reading. I look at the stack of books several times throughout the day. But I get distracted by the Internet, or I'm working, or I'm tired and know reading would put me to sleep. This is really a shame because I have great taste when it comes to books. Sitting on the kitchen counter now: The Double Comfort Safari Club by Alexander McCall Smith; When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi; The Color of Magic by Terry Pratchett; The Road to Little Dribbling by Bill Bryson; The Marriage of Opposites by Alice Hoffman; Honey from the Lion by Matthew Neill Null; and Time and Time Again by Ben Elton.

10. I desperately need a personal assistant, preferably one who works for free. I believe I could provide some valuable training on how to be a personal assistant. Maybe I could offer an internship. It would look great on a resume, for someone who had no experience but wanted to begin a career in that field. I've read that personal assistants can make a lot of money! Hey, maybe that person in my crawl space would be interested! I think I'll leave a Honey-Do list out and see if anything gets done while I'm out today. It's my day off from the library, so I'm driving for Lyft.

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